Enigma
Opening up through prose
You don't know me
You may think you do
But, you don't
You'll never know me
You see me
You acknowledge me
You admire me
But you don't know me
I wish you did
I wish you could
But you don't. You won't.
You'll never really know me
You could treat my face like a book
Break it down line by line
Analyze every sentence
Search for a deeper meaning
But my face is not a book
Merely an abstract
It screams anger, happiness, sadness
Red, yellow, blue
Fire, sunshine, rain
But you couldn't possibly know
Know how I really feel
You ask me how I'm doing
I tell you what you want to hear
I couldn't possibly open up
Especially not to you
I refuse to be vulnerable
I choose to hide
Because opening up to you means being
A flame near water
A balloon near a needle
A fish near a hook
You think I'm strong,
But I cry alone in my room
You think I'm confident
But I focus on my imperfections
Here's what you do know
My family and friends
My favorite songs and movies
My embarrassing stories
And even that, is too much
But what you don't know
What I don't tell you
Stays with me
And separates us
What I choose to hide, to not say
My armor, my safety net
I put up walls to protect myself
From you.
I'm sorry.
I wish you could know me
I want to let you into my prison
Where I hold my deepest secrets
My shame, my emotions, my pain, my fears, my guilt
What makes me happy, mad, anxious, sad
What makes me laugh, cry, and smile
I want to tell you how you make me feel
Frustrated. Headphones impossible to untangle
Lost. Stuck in a mirror maze.
Happy. Windows down at midnight.
But I can't tell you these things
You couldn't possibly know me
Partially because I don't know myself
Why I do things, How I think
I am my own enigma
I'll never know you either
As much as I want to know you, trust you, believe you
Dive into to the depths
of that complex web of yours ?
I don't want to be stuck,
trapped
I need to protect myself
Just like how you'll never know me
I'll never know you
Stay on your side
And I, mine.