If My Memory Serves Me Right

Do you remember friending me on Facebook freshman year of high school? I remember. Do you remember scheming to meet at the mall for our first date without our parents finding out? I remember. My mother grabbed me by my arm and dragged me out faster than you could say bye. Do you remember our first kiss? I remember. You were my first kiss and I was a nervous wreck because I thought my breath smelled bad, but I guess it didn't because you came back for more. Do you remember arguing with me over the smallest inconveniences? I remember because you were always stubborn and I was always wrong, well according to you at least. Do you remember being jealous over every guy that talked to me? I remember. I pushed away so many of my best friends for you. Do you remember accusing me of cheating on you? I remember. Do you remember the diss track you made about me? I remember. How could I forget? You tarnished my reputation with the whole freshman class. Do you remember getting called to the principal's office for cyberbullying? I remember. Oh I definitely remember. I felt victorious. After that, I thought it was going to be the last time I heard from you and we were done for good. You blocked me on every social media app, cutting all ties from me, and my heart was torn to shreds. I remember drowning in my tears as I laid face down into my pink pillow with mascara staining the covers. I remember all my peers talking about me while I was sitting within earshot because you slandered my name. I wish I didn't remember. 

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Do you remember unblocking me on Instagram? I remember. It was junior year of high school, right before I was about to take my SATs. Perfect timing. I remember walking into that room flustered, and walking out distressed. Do you remember what you messaged me? I remember. "It's been a while, how's life treating you". You said it so nonchalantly, as if you didn't destroy my life. Nonetheless, you had a soft spot in my heart so it didn't take much for me to respond. It was weak of me. Do you remember picking me up after tennis practice in your brand new shiny red BMW for our second first date? I remember. You had your friend sitting in the back seat because you were too scared to face me alone. We got coffee and sat in the parking lot talking, laughing, crying. I remember every single emotion I felt that day. Resentful, grateful, happy, terrified. You drove me back home, walked me to my door and leaned in to kiss me. I remember stumbling into my home with the widest grin and the reddest cheeks. Do you remember spending every day together for the first few months we were dating? I remember. I was falling for you all over again. Falling for your laugh, falling for your ambition. We were in love. Do you remember all of our fights? I remember. Well, I don't necessarily remember what we would fight about but I remember locking the door and sitting on the bathroom floor for hours bawling my eyes out. You drained the life out of me, you were still the same person from two years ago, stubborn as ever. Do you remember all the sentimental gifts I made for you? I remember. I poured my soul into these gifts, wanting them to be perfect, though you never appreciated my efforts in trying to make you happy. 

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Do you remember when I was recruited by Fordham. I remember. For me, it was the greatest moment of my life that I wanted to share with you. Instead of supporting my decision of accepting the offer, you were disappointed in my decision because I would be across the country. Do you remember treating me like I was inferior? Do you remember being embarrassed by me in public and not wanting to hold my hand? Do you remember our breakup? I remember. I had heard through a mutual that you couldn't wait until college started so you wouldn't have to see me as much. That was the end of our journey. I called you, you promised me that you would always love me, I said okay and then hung up the phone. Do you remember being in love? I'm not quite sure I remember. To this day I always wonder if what we had was love or lust. Do you remember feeling happy in our relationship? I don't remember.